Lady Deonara Ridenow

The lesson of the day, folks, is to remember to tell the ones you love, the ones who mean a lot to you, that you care about them. Someday it will be too late.

Deo passed away last Friday.  It's been a decade or more since we've been close friends, but that was mainly my doing.  She underwent some health issues and needed friends most at a time when I was least able to give.  After seeing her through the immediate crises I withdrew and our friendship never recovered.

What a friendship we had!  I am truly amazed at everything that has come to mind over the last couple of days, how much a part of my life she had been.  I first met her in my freshman year at Drexel, through Tauna and the SCA.  Through them both I entered into the SCA and made friends that I thought would last a lifetime; they didn't.

Puppy House.  I need not say more; those who knew it will know what it meant, those who didn't won't understand it.  Jackie, Shea & Miriam, Joel, some guy who thought he was Thomas Covenant and a vampire -- it was an incredible thing to be a part of.  The fun we had, the drama we took part in; I haven't thought about it, and everything it meant to me, in years.

Deo was the first person I came out to (Tauna knew, but I never told her).  I remember that night as clearly as if it were yesterday.  She was incredibly supportive even as she was personally disappointed (yeah, there's a story there).  Her support pretty much meant everything to me, and I would not be the person I am without it. There's really no other way to put that: I am who I am today because of her and her support in that moment.

Through Deo I was exposed to many wondrous and diverse things. Anything SCA related, whether it be music or dance, needlework & cooking, I learned at her knee.  Cooking!  Preparing meals for 250 was a blast with her and Bish and Richard in the kitchen (not to mention a little catty at times).  I miss doing that more that just about anything from my time in the SCA.

I went to my first Peace with Deo, the penultimate Peace (of that era, at least) it turned out to be.  Because of that I came out to the rest of my friends, my non-SCA friends (yeah, there's another story there). And she brought me to my first War, the first of many Wars, the second thing I miss from my SCA days.

Mundanely she turned me on to many things.  Music like Clannad, Fred Small & The Roches.  Books like the Deryni (I named my first car Kelson).  After she moved to Boston she introduced me to restaurants like Bertucci's (then just 2 locations), the Border Cafe (then just a single restaurant), Steve's & then Herrell's (eating ice cream in a bank vault).  Harvard Square, the Coop, the T, Mass Ave, used CD & bookstores.  Bitnet, back in the days before the Internet.  Brewing mead, that most delicious of nectars.

Through Jim I first played Settlers and Magic and Robo Rally.  The seeds for the passion of my life now, gaming, were born in her Somerville apartment.

I could go on, and in fact I've just spent the last 20 minutes looking up old friends on Facebook and Google, people I haven't talked to in forever.  I miss them, I miss those times.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give up the friends and times I have now for anything, but that doesn't mean I can't think about other friends and other times, too.

I broke down and cried in the car on the way into work, finally.  What pushed me over the edge was hearing Deo's cackling laugh in my head, seeing her throw back her head in child-like delight and laugh as only she could.  I miss you, Deo, and I'm so very sorry I never got a chance to tell you.